"Sorry sa lahat ng ginawa ko sa'yo ha?"

"Hindi ba dapat sa sarili mo ikaw humingi ng sorry kasi pinakawalan mo ang isa sa pinakamagandang nangyari sa buhay mo?"

There’ s a big difference between wanting something and actually doing it.
If you really want it, there’s a way to do it.
I don’t know if I can’t understand you because I am just too dumb or if your excuses are so lousy for me to accept them. Or maybe, you’re right. I am just so close-minded.
I have the right to demand every once in a while. In the first place, I don’t demand something that cannot be done.
Yeah, I am comparing because not everyone will put up to this.
Yeah, I don’t want to go there because somebody doesn’t want me to be there. If you remember, he banned me.
Don’t give me that proximity argument. A:B= C:D is false.
If you really want to solve this, find that one thing that you really need. It is also the solution to other things that you put off or postpone.

Taliwas sa aking nakagawian, isusulat ko ang blog na ito sa wikang Filipino.

Kanina, nagsusulat ako ng isang tala sa aking blog tungkol sa pelikulang Transformer nang hanapin sa amin ng isa kong kapwa manunulat ang isyu ng Philippine Daily Inquirer (PDI) ngayon. Ibinalita niya na may nasusulat na naman tungkol sa aming kumpanya sa pahayagan.

Nakita naman niya ang kanyang hinahanap. Ito ay isang buong pahina (pahina A8) ng batikos sa mga nalathalang pampublikong aklat sa elementarya. Bagamat, gusto kong malaman ang nilalaman nito, hindi ako agad nakiusyoso dahil marami pa ang nagkakaalibumbungan sa pahayagan. Noong tapos na nila itong pagkaguluhan, saka ko ito kinuha at binuklat.

Hindi ko na nais magpaliwanag tungkol sa isyu na maraming mali sa mga aklat na inilimbag ng aming kumpanya. Ang nais kong pagtuunan ng pansin ay ang isa sa kanyang pahayag na sa aking palagay ay hindi tama. Inilarawan niya ang salitang "titi" na "abominable" at "objectionable."

"Were the writers of this book even thinking when they decided to include the abominable words TITI..."
"...when the mere presence of two objectionable words --- TITI..."

Kailan pa naging di kanais-nais ang salitang "titi?" Kung ang salitang ito ay hindi angkop, ano ang isinasangguni niyang pamalit dito? Hindi nga ba't iyon naman talaga ang tawag sa ari ng lalaki? Bakit nga ba kapag ang mga salitang tumutukoy sa mga sex o sex organ ay isinasalin sa wikang Filipino, ito ay nabibigyan ng konotasyon na bastos o nakapandidiri?

Marahil, hindi nga nararapat na isama ang mga salitang iyon sa aklat. Ngunit ang tukuyin ang salitang iyon na objectionable at abominable ay hindi rin tama. Gaya nga ng sabi ni Rizal, ang hindi magmahal sa sariling wika ay higit pa ang amoy sa malansang isda. (Tama ba ang pagkakasaad ko? Pasensya na kung mali. Pakitama na lang. Hehe!) Sa akin ring palagay, ang pagkakasulat ng salitang iyon ay walang malisya at hindi dapat bigyan ng malisya.

Kung gusto ninyong mabasa ang buong anunsyo na TITI —ARI NG LALAKI ni G. Go sa PDI, pindutin ang link na ito.

I just missed writing in this old blog. Right now, I am feeling down. Maybe because I am rushing things or worrying too much about the future. Though I thought that probably the reason why things do not fall into places for me is because it's not yet time, I still cannot stop feeling depressed about the way things are going. I guess they are right when they say that no matter how many plans a man make, it's still Lord's will that prevails. I just wish I understand God's ways. Sometimes, it's so hard to comprehend why He allow certain things to happen in our lives. Or maybe, I am just pushy and stubborn. Yeah, maybe I am not yet ready for that and making me wait is the way to prepare me for what I want.

-------

Isn't ironic that I wrote an article about insecurity and how to conquer it when I, myself, cannot stop feeling it?

I really do not know what I am good at or if I am even good at anything at all. See, I am really such an insecure person! Sometimes, I feel like I can't do a lot of things that others can or that I don't deserve some things because I am not as good as others. Though there are people that tell me how good I am, I still feel down sometimes. I feel like I am a good-for-nothing. I really should stop feeling this way.

1. that my boyfriend is not cheating on me. I have just learned from a friend that the boyfriend of one of my friend is already married. Another philanderer!

2. for our DVD player and DVDs. My sister convinced Papa to buy a DVD player. Now we don’t have to stay till late at night in my Lola’s house to use my brother’s DVD player.

Also, I brought a few DVDs of movies that I really want to watch. I can’t wait to go home but it would be three more weeks before I go home.

I envy my sister. She’s at home right now watching DVDs.

3. for YM, Livejournal and Alchemy. They keep me awake when I am sleepy or bored in the office.

4. for my friend Carole. Because she moved into our place last year, I am not alone anymore when my sister is on vacation.

5. for another worry-free day in the office.

You say you read my blog once in a while. So, I wrote this letter for you.

Dear Friend,
I hope you read this letter. All I really want to say is that recently, I learned that people bits and pieces of your story. I've heard their versions. They may be mere speculations because it's very different from the truth but the bottomline is, they know that the mean girls did something wrong to you.

I didn't brought up the story so I was surprised when someone opened it up. I was not expecting to hear about it from other people. I was like, "Alam mo rin yon?" "Oo naman, napapansin namin. Naaawa nga kami sa kanya eh." She added that you seem to be a nice person and I said you are. One guy even commented, "Magaling siya." Someone showed him your work. I think you know who's this guy I am referring to.

Anyway, I wish I can talk to you to further elaborate this story and to share some others. I hope it will make you smile that others know what childish things these sore losers did to you and they symphatize with you. Please send me a private message or IM me when you read this one.

1. my job. I imagine newly graduates applying for a job right now. It’s not a good feeling to be sitting in a reception room or a hall waiting to be interviewed. It’s so boring but you have to do it anyway if you want a job. Neither is walking in the heat of the sun to go to different offices fun. Plus, the feeling of uncertainty is another. Your future depends on the interviewer. You may have the potential but it’s up for them to decide whether you’re in or out.

Now that I am a regular employee here in the company, I don’t have to worry about all of that. Being jobless is really not fun!

2. Thank God for the air-con. One of the perks of having a job is being in an air-conditioned office. Believe me, it’s so freaking hot here in the metro and it is really a relief to be here at work. In fact, I went to the office early (almost 30 minutes before the time) because it is so hot in my place.

3. Thank God for my sister. She is celebrating her 19th birthday today. I can’t imagine my life without her. Maybe we fight like we don’t have respect for each other (as Rayman describes it) but I love her. And she should do the same! It’s not like she has a choice. Haha!

Again, I fell short of the five that I have originally set. I'll try harder tomorrow.

I was wondering how I'll keep two online journals and decided that I'll discuss or write different things in the journal. Earlier, I thought of making this into a literary journal of some sort. I  wanted to write a "blog-serye" (a novel of some sort, one chapter a day) and this could be a perfect venue for it. However, I haven't had the drive to start it. Maybe later.

Then yesterday, I have read about Oprah Winfrey's grateful journal. She says that it's good to write five things that you are thankful for everyday. It sounds like a good idea so I have decided to make this a grateful and/or literary journal.

Five things that I am grateful for today:
1. I don't have to worry about how I am going to pay my dues since I received my mid-year bonus already and it's bigger than what I have expected.
2. that everyone in my family is alright. We received a memo today saying that the father of one of my good friend here in the office passed away today. I am sad for her and at the same time, very thankful that God hasn't taken away my loved ones yet because I am not ready yet. I don't think I'll ever be ready.
3. that it was a bit cloudy when I walked this morning. (Kung hindi, pawisan na naman ako bago makarating dito sa office.)
4. Ahhh..... I can't think of anything else. Sorry!  I promise to complete this next time. Hehe!

I've been obsessed with CSS these past few days. I made a lot of changes in my layout but up to now, I am still not satisfied with what I have come up. I plan to change it later. My friend says that it is very feminine and looks like a Lactacyd page. Hehehe! Yeah! I realize that.

Later today, I'll try to change it and put some blue, yellow and green in my layout. Anyway, my friend berry_mix was able to persuade me to use Live Journal and I now have an account in that site. Its url is http://femme-ecrivain.livejournal.com . But I haven't written anything in my new page.

It's a Monday morning and I am back to work. Last week, I was not able to blog because I have been busy writing an article about skulls unearthed in Ethiopia. Anyway, I had a wonderful weekend. Last Saturday, my officemates and I attended Yapi's birthday party. (Yapi is the daughter of my supervisor Kuya Godo.) We had fun. My officemates and I goofed around the party. The party was held in Albergus in Old Balara and it had a Hawaiian theme. Check out the photos here.